granger2malfoy (granger2malfoy) wrote in battlehpmuses,

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 triospleasure 's battle:


  I'm in the bed. My mind drifts to penises, pretty boys, broody men 
black hair and a house full of red haired sex gods.
Today I am Hermione Granger and I'm about to fuck the brains out of 
Malfoy. If all goes well I might just type it up, and tell my fellow 
"smut-ites" that it was something <i>I just thought up</i>. Lies... as 
as smut goes, I just jack off. Let me tell you, Hermione's body is 
bomb, and Draco can not only stay hard but his penis is the prettiest, 
hardest, thing you have ever experienced. I love to hear him talk, I 
to feel his hands. Today he is tying me to his bed in Malfoy Manor.(You 
should always test drive the fantasy first.)

"Excuse me..."I hear a hesitant voice.

"Um... how come we don't spend time together anymore?

"What The Fuck?!!?"

"Harry" I sigh resigned to the fact that YET again someone is trying to 
sabotage my orgasm.... I remove my hand from my wet folds and open my 
eye's... "Harry WHAT are doing here?"

"Ignore him" A sultry voice commanded. I look up deep into the 
smoldering eyes of Draco. He moved my hand back down between my legs. " Sod off 
Potter!! She's mine today."

"I was just asking..."

 "Harry not right now"

"I just want to know for my own piece of mind, What is it? Is he 
sexier?" <i>Here we go, he going to start whining</i>

" Yes Potter everyone knows, I'm sexier."

"Well everyone doesn't think so when I'm the top and I'm buggering you 

I remove my hand again. It was going to be one of THOSE days. Jumping 
up out of the bed with a growl, I give Harry a baleful look and shut the 
door to the bathroom. 

I take a quick shower. I know to make it quick because if I don't some 
one will come in and interrupt me. I grab one of the towels hanging on 

Fuck!!! It smells like dog. NOT sexy!

I quickly get dressed because its a long ride to the school and the 
are going to be in a piss poor mood.
No-one in my house is a morning person.
 I take one last look at my husband before I leave the room. Great... 
just great... he has a morning erection, and I gotta go.

 I wave sadly at Draco who blows me a sexy kiss from my bed. I squint 
my eyes hatefully at Harry, who then has the nerve to turn his pretty 
nose up at me.

Really?... That?... was a mistake.

 I watched as Harry shrunk in size then his face got a little prettier. 
I cocked a brow at Draco, who watched Harry's transformation with avid 
interest .

 I gestured for him to have at it and left the room.

~~~~The van~~~~ 

Screaming at the kids we pile up in the van. NO music. I can't think 
it on. All is well until one of my daughters mentions a character.(my 
really, they were going through with drawl after the third book, so I 
introduced them to fan fiction.)
"Mom did you read....?"

 Oh here we go......"Hello Ron",
"Morning" his voice is stiff and sullen. 

"Are you still mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad? I had Draco Malfoy screaming my name when I 
"Uh huh so why are you mad?" I cast him a quick side glance, the van 
sways, the kids sway with it. Their used to my driving.

"Let see, I had bloody Draco Malfoy screaming my name when I buggered 
him!!"  I can feel his antagonism .

"Oh ... well I like you and Draco in the same bed, Fire and Ice and all 
that... hehe" I reply without remorse. 

"Well there are a lot of Weasley's, Why not someone else?" Ron fires 

<i>Oh crap.. Why did he say that? </i> Ron always times his 
right when we arrive at the school. I can feel "them" waiting in the 
background. After the final "Bye mommy" I'm surrounded. There is so 
red the van looks like its on fire. 

"Howdy boys what can I do for you today?"... I say cheerfuly, As if I 
didn't already know what was coming. Weasley's are loud. Their questions 
come fast and furious.

"Why don't you ever use *Ginny and Draco?"
"How come you never put me with Hermione?"
"Why don't you ever put me in a fic?"
"Or me?"
"When are we going to play again?...Yes, when?"

I take a quick glance over my shoulder, the van swerves, it's all right 
though, their use to it too. 

"Well I don't like Ginny..." there is a gasp of outrage " She's a two 
dimensional character, nothing about her appeals to me ... unless I'm 
having her ravished by Lucius Malfoy." I end my statement with a  
malicious smile.

"That's just sick!!!"
"Oy, she's our little sister!"
"How could you even think like that?"
"Your twisted you know?"

I gave them a look that dared them to say more, Of course it was Ron 
that felt the need to be bold.
"You are a mental case." He gritted out

"Really?" I squinted my eyes at him irritability.
Suddenly there was a red headed girl in front of my van. I promptly ran 
her over.

The screams coming from my passengers were delightful. My smile widened 
as I felt the two satisfying bumps under my tires. Ron was steaming 
frustration. I smiled at him cheerfuly.

Redhead.. bump.. bump
Redhead...bump.. bump
Redhead...bump.. bump
Redhead...bump.. bump
"Oy, Ron! Shut it!!!" 

  A voice came from the back seat with a resounding slap to the back of 
Ron's head. 

 I smirked at him and his sister was in front of the van one more 

Just when I was going to run her over "again" Lucius Malfoy swooped 
down and rescued her from her grizly fate. Clutching Ginny tightly to his 
chest Lucius gives me a gratified smile and zips off.
Ron opens his mouth again and I give him the *I double dog dare you* 
look then I turn my attention back to his brothers.

Bill and Charlie? I'm sorry You just not sexy....

"What ?!?" 
"I beg to differ...."

"Hey, it's not your fault, it's the casting directors fault, she 
you over. I'm sorry I just cant get those hideous pictures out of my 
head. I only read a few fics that I liked. You were in a threesome or 
more. I like threesomes. I can make allowances for that."  I shrugged 
them apologetically."You just had vague faces."

They disappeared with a angry pop. Ron was in a pout and surprisingly 
the twins were sitting silently in the back. I gave them a suspicious 
look in the rear view mirror. They responded with halo's floating above 
their heads...<i>Uh huh. I have 6 kids</i> So I gave them "the look". 

Ron wanted to say something so bad his lips were trembling
<i>I do not want to hear it.</i> 

"Ron?" He glowered at me." You and Hermione?" Ron perked up with a 
hopeful look. "Not going to happen unless it's a threesome. Sorry, too 
canon and frankly...just not sexy." 

He fizzled away with his mouth open.

I looked into the rear view mirror again, the twins already moved up a 

"Hello boys" I smiled at them lustfully. I was going to make a date 
Severus, but since *your* already here. 

"Wanna be vampires?"

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